Filed under: Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Happiness and Joy, Health and Fitness, Psychobabble, Spirituality, weight loss
I’m five weeks into the year, and I’m still not losing weight. I should probably care more about that than I do. The thing is, though, that I know I’m doing everything right. I’ve struggled for years to make that the important thing, but I’ve never been able to succeed. Now, when I really have a goal and want to reach it – 50 pounds in a year – somehow I can’t focus my energy or emotional dependency upon the scale. I just…don’t seem to care so much about it. (The written word cannot adequately convey how completely out of character this is for me.)
What I do care about, is making some serious changes to my life. Physical therapy is proving to be a Godsend. It’s hard – much harder than I thought it would be – but I’ve discovered so many physical issues that I didn’t realize I had, and that were contributing to the severity of the ones I did know about. The translation of that is that the problems I can’t fix – the arthritis and the fibromyalgia – are not as severe as I’d thought, and that the issues making everything so bad are ones I can address. That’s an awfully good feeling.
I’ve also really been awakened to the difference that being gluten-free makes in my life. I think it’s very easy to think that something isn’t helping, when it’s been a while since you experienced the difference. I originally went gluten-free a little over a year ago, when my rheumatologist told me that a lot of his arthritis patients experience some relief from doing so. He said he didn’t think it was necessary to actually test for celiac disease, because it was easier to just try the diet and see if it worked; he also said that a number of his patients who tested negative for celiac still experienced relief from the diet. It is possible to be celiac-negative and still be gluten-sensitive or gluten-intolerant. So I gave it a shot, and I was surprised at how much relief I felt. Not only from the arthritis and associated pain, but from the depression and mental fogginess I’d been experiencing, as well as fatigue and general malaise. I did a lot of research at the time and was surprised at what I’d found.
But over the course of a year, I lapsed. The gluten-free lifestyle is not easy. Our culture is not friendly to it. There is not a day that goes by without having to actively concentrate on maintaining it, and until recently, Oklahoma City has not had a plethora of retailers who are cognizant of the demand for gluten-free products. The rest of my family is not gluten-free, nor are any of my co-workers or friends. Under those circumstances, it’s easy to forget how bad you were before, and when you gradually slide back into old habits, it’s unfortunately easy to not associate a return of symptoms with those habits. I’d fallen into the trap of only thinking in terms of gastrointestinal reactions to gluten, when the truth is that, while those are dreadful, they are really the least of my gluten-associated problems. It wasn’t until I decided to get clean again that I was reminded of what a difference it makes – and it was an immediate difference. Within a week, my pain was cut probably in half and my mental outlook was…well, it was like I was a different person.
So between physical therapy and eating clean, I know I’m making a huge difference in my life. My next step, and the piece of the puzzle that I know is still missing, is to step up my exercise. I haven’t been doing a lot, for a couple of reasons: primarily, I wanted to get into a routine with physical therapy, see how it was going to affect me, and then build an exercise routine that I can do without ill effects. I think I’m ready to do that now; now, my obstacle is my schedule. The Ninja Princess has had to change taekwondo schools (possibly temporarily; we should know tomorrow night), and the new one is considerably farther away. Worse, where her old school is next door to the Y, the new one is…not. The Y in that area isn’t nearly as convenient. So I’m waiting to see if the change is permanent before creating a whole new workout schedule for myself and my husband. It’s a total change in evening routine. Meanwhile, though, we have been doing a lot of walking. While it’s probably not brisk enough to be much of a fat-burner, it’s keeping me active and mobile and in the habit of exercise. Also, the PT postural and core exercises are pretty intense, actually, so at least I know I’m getting some good arm, upper-body and core exercise.
Another change I’ve been making is actively working on my sleep habits and my emotional and spiritual self-care. With the help of Aetna’s web-based programs, I’m working toward repairing my sleep deficit and tendency to insomnia, as well as actively working to improve stress management and reduce my negative thought patterns. This is another thing that cannot be overemphasized in terms of its importance in a healthy, happy lifestyle. I’ve fallen into some really bad, old mental habits over the past year and a half, and it’s time to start digging back out of that hole. Right now, I’m doing it on my own, but I haven’t ruled out the possibility of involving a professional. Therapy, in all its forms, can be incredibly beneficial.
In short, while I’m not seeing a lot of results, I feel pretty good about the changes I’m making. I’ll admit that I’m a little bummed about the lack of cooperation on the part of the scale, but at the end of the day, if I don’t lose a single pound this year, but I keep these new habits, I’ve still made a difference in my life. And I guess that’s the most important thing of all.
Filed under: Ayurvedic medicine, Health and Fitness, Spirituality, weight loss | Tags: Ayurvedic medicine, health, Spirituality, weight loss
I got Perfect Weight yesterday, by Deepak Chopra, and had to jump right in.
The book is an approach to weight loss through Ayurvedic principles. More accurately, it explains how to restore your body to its natural balance, which will help it to achieve its proper weight.
There’s a lot I like about it. I like that the watchword is moderation in all things – that’s sort of my philosophy to begin with. I like that it is based in an understanding of the interconnection of all things. I like that it is not one-size-fits-all, but rather emphasizes the need to understand your individual body and tailor your lifestyle to suit you, not some generic ideal. I like that it incorporates more than just eating and exercise – there is discussion of ayurvedic massages, one form of which is essentially body-brushing, which I already love; and of course meditation is recommended. So it is very much a total body/mind/soul approach, which is the guiding principle of Ayurveda to begin with. That is completely in keeping with my needs and my philosophies.
There are some things about which I am doubtful, though. For one thing, a basic recommendation is not to eat breakfast. That flies in the face not only of “conventional wisdom” (which doesn’t hold that much water with me) and what I’ve discovered works for me (which does). But an alternative is to just eat a very light breakfast, so it’s not like I couldn’t do it.
Exercise is not supposed to be super-strenuous, and you’re supposed to tailor it to your body type, which is great. I’ve already discovered that I do best with very moderate exercise, and I can very easily become overtrained. So I like that. However, I’m a Pitta-Vata type, with Pitta slightly more dominant, and the recommended exercises for Pitta types are walking, running, mountain climbing, hiking and swimming. I hate running. I do like walking and hiking though. Vata exercises are yoga, dance aerobics, short hikes, and light bicycling. I can completely get behind that. 
I love yoga, and light bicycling is about all I’m capable of.
But my very favorite form of exercise is weight training, which is a Kapha exercise. I have very little Kapha according to the questionnaire. Which doesn’t mean I can’t do it, of course, but it surprises me that I love it so much if it’s not really what fits my type. So that raises a bit of doubt.
He recommends going meatless two or three days a week, which doesn’t sit well with me; I’m a total carnivore. But I’m willing to give it a try; I won’t do vegan but I can definitely limit myself to nuts and dairy for my protein on a day or two. Then you’re supposed to, one day a week, take in nothing but liquids. You can have anything you want, you just have to liquefy it. This is supposed to eliminate ama (a product of improper digestion, a negative energy), strengthen digestion, and restore balance. So…that will involve definite restructuring for me but it’s not a bad thought as I’d already considered doing a juice fast once a week or so anyway.
You’re supposed to eliminate red meat as much as possible. Again, I can do this, but I don’t want to. But then, as I am so fond of quoting, “If we want what we have never had, we must do what we have never done.” Which means change. Duh. So.
You’re supposed to avoid cold foods and drinks. Meals should be freshly cooked. Even vegetables are supposed to be cooked; he doesn’t really encourage a lot of raw produce. Some, but not a lot. Very contrary to what I’ve learned, and I’m unsure about this as well.
He wants you to sip hot water throughout the day. Can I just say how repellent this sounds to me? I know people do it but I don’t like drinking water if it’s even room temperature. Another big adjustment.
There are some basic tips that really are in keeping with what we all have learned to be smart, but I like the way he states them:
- Eat in a settled and quiet atmosphere
- Always sit down to eat
- Never eat when you’re upset
- Eat to the point of comfort, not fullness, and never beyond 3/4 of your capacity
- Focus completely on your food
- Eat slowly
- Sit quietly and relax for a few minutes after you finish eating.
But he also says not to eat for at least three hours and more like six, after a meal. Since I eat six small meals a day, this is very, very different. It’s more like the way I used to eat, which scares me. But then, I won’t be eating the same things I used to eat. So I’m not sure about this one. He does say if you must snack, make it something light like a piece of fruit.
Breakfast is supposed to be a very small meal if you eat it at all, lunch the big, main meal, and dinner light. I’m not sure how I feel about this, either; the six small, nearly equal meals has been so good for my blood sugar and my weight. So I’m debating it.
There’s much more to the book but the only other main thing I want to talk about is the daily cycle. You have to understand the doshas for it to make complete sense, but the gist of it is that there are certain times of the day when certain aspects of your physiology are more dominant. Therefore, you should always get out of bed before 6 a.m., to avoid sluggishness. You should never eat anything heavy except between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Exercise is best between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m., and 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. You should always be in bed by 10 p.m.
This actually fits my day pretty well. I’d have to get up a bit earlier, but not that much. I exercise in the evening, so that works out well. And I have always, always tried to be in bed by 10, because frankly I needs me my sleep. The eating thing is hard though. As I said before, spacing my small meals evenly through the day has really worked well for me. I will have to consider this. Although really I guess that’s not contrary to this, because none of those meals would be considered heavy…
Enough for now. More later.
Filed under: Ayurvedic medicine, Happiness and Joy, Random thoughts, Spirituality | Tags: Ayurvedic medicine, Deepak Chopra, health, mindfulness, Spirituality
I’m beginning to study a new area (for me), ayurvedic medicine. I’ve been introduced to the works of Deepak Chopra (yes, I’m late to the party, but that’s nothing unusual!) and am finding them very meaningful.
Today I read a quote…The healing mechanism inside us perfectly matches the one outside. The human body does not look like the green meadow, but its breezes, its laughing water, sunlight, and earth were merely transformed into us, not forgotten.
(Journey Into Healing: Awakening the Wisdom Within you)
This speaks to me enormously. I think that if one is aware enough, mindful enough, one feels things that are not immediately explicable. When I have what I call a soul-feeding moment, I don’t always understand why it is so comforting, so soothing, so satisfying. But I think this is a wonderful way of putting it into words, a good way of understanding what is happening here. I am not separate from the external world. I am not a discrete whole; I am merely a portion of the life and energy force that pervades all reality, but I am that portion collected into a finite package, a defined area. So I think of myself as separate but really, I’m not. I’m a part of that energy, that life force, and the boundaries that define what I call “me” are not solid or fixed, they are fluid and permeable. So the energy flows into me, and out of me, and what I am seeing and feeling – the breeze, the sunlight, the play of light on water and the shadows of the trees – these are all manifestations of that energy flow. They are affecting the energy flow within me. If they are things with positive associations, then they are causing positive energy flow, and if they are things with negative associations, the flow is negative.
Another thing that Dr. Chopra says in that book is “We are the only creatures on earth who can change our biology by what we think and feel.” and “We perceive, which means we add meaning to every signal coming our way.”
Because we think, because we are conscious and aware, because we know and interpret and observe the energy flow, we can affect it. We can influence it, for good or ill. All too often, I think we influence it negatively, without ever knowing it. My desire is to begin to influence it positively and consciously, knowing that I am doing so; to use my awareness and my sentience to create healing and strengthening energy rather than allowing my thoughtlessness and self-absorbed negativity to create weakness and ill-health in myself and the world around me. I want to stop thinking of myself as a separate being and be aware of myself as a part of the endless flow around and through me.
This is a little scary. It feels a little like a loss of identity and I think that is why we resist it. But I want to learn to know it as not a loss of self, but as a greater knowing of self. I am not separate but while I am in this life, in this form, I am defined, and that definition – though it is mutable and I can affect it – is what makes me, me. I want to learn to know myself as both unique and individual, and still part of the whole.
Filed under: Life Lessons, Psychobabble, Random thoughts, Spirituality
Haven’t posted in a while and thought I should…also, the change of seasons (gradual though it may be!) has gotten me, well, thinking again.
I think that there are few forces in our lives that are so simultaneously reviled and relied-upon as change. Change is a threat to many of us, a shifting of elements in our lives that requires a readjusting of balance. For whatever reason, we tend to prefer stasis, with all its comfort and ease and lack of the need for effort.
Stasis, however, equals stagnation, and deep down I think we all know this. If we do not change – if our lives do not change – if the world does not change – then there is no growth, and the absence of growth indicates and even induces decay. If we are not changing, we are dying. I truly believe this.
So while we are afraid of change – because, after all, change brings the unknown, and we are terrified of the unknown – we also crave it, for subconsciously we recognize its value and importance. So at the same time we are carefully arranging our lives into safe, boxy little routines, we also grow restless and initiate change – by moving the furniture periodically, redecorating the house, trading in the car, having lunch at a new place…still safe, tidy little changes. Enough to keep us feeling that we are moving, but not enough to actually require rebalancing.
Perhaps this is a wise and civilized method of dealing with the need for change, but I wonder. Nature would not agree – the trees do not change their leaves from green to brown and then back to green without ever losing those leaves. Next summer’s butterflies will be completely different ones from this summer’s. A river, when cutting a new channel, does not carefully pack away the old one just in case it decides it doesn’t like the new one, and it doesn’t save the receipt for the new one, either. The risk that is undertaken – what if the new channel doesn’t work out? – is an inherent part of the value of the process of change.
I am not suggesting that anyone create serious upheaval in his or her life as a nod to the need for change. I am as much of a creature of habit as anyone, probably more than most. I don’t like change, it scares me. Yet at times I wonder – all of the things I don’t like about myself, all of the things I wish I could fix about my life – how do I expect to do this, within the very same parameters that allowed the situation to evolve as is? If I truly wish to change the outcome, I must change some of the variables of the experiment.
It is a conundrum, I will admit. I don’t want my life to change a lot…but I want certain elements to change. Yet in order to achieve one, I must endure the other.
Fall is a season of change, of putting away and letting go and setting free and quieting. The mad, burgeoning growth of summer has ceased and the rising life force has reached its pinnacle, and now begins to drop. Everything fades and falls and becomes still. It is a season of preparation for rest. It is the last stretching and yawning and sitting on the front porch watching the fireflies, before wandering off to bed. It is the evening of the year, and it is a beautiful and glorious one, though also a bit wistful. Perhaps that is because we know that change is in the air – that we must bid farewell to the rush and pulse of summer, and prepare ourselves for the quiet stillness, the chill peace, of winter’s long sleep. And though we crave that change, we also fear it, and will miss what we leave behind.
Perhaps the wheel and turn of nature’s seasons is axiomatic, an enormous and inescapable example of what our lives should be? The discarding of that which is no longer appropriate and needed, and the pulling out of that which suits our new circumstances and will further the aims of the universe?
This year, when you’re pulling out your sweaters and coats, take a moment to reflect on it – pull out some new ideas as well. Dig out some long-neglected question or problem that has been stored away because you were too busy to deal with it, shake the dust off, and see how it fits into your life to come. Open up some completely new area of conjecture, and resolve to spend the winter puzzling over it.
Change, though frightening, can be good. Make it work for you.
Filed under: Fear and Pain, Happiness and Joy, Life Lessons, Psychobabble, Spirituality
Forgiveness Is Not So Fashionable « Mr Ed Catholic
The statement in this post that forgiveness brings freedom is one of immense and mostly-overlooked truth and power. There is nothing quite so freeing as making the mental and emotional decision that something no longer has to matter so much. For me, that is one of the defining characteristics of true forgiveness: I am certainly still aware of the transgression, but I need no longer base any of my actions, feelings or thoughts upon that transgression. I am free to cease to react.
When you have truly let go…when you have truly forgiven, and moved on…a binding snaps. A chain dissolves…a wall crumbles…a barrier erodes. One inhibiting, restraining, binding factor has disappeared from your life and you are free to react without consideration of that factor.
I do know whereof I speak. I have been given many opportunities, in my life, to learn the power of forgiveness – both given, and received. I rue the experiences that made forgiveness necessary - but I rejoice in the forgiveness itself. I will never regret that, no matter what.
Forgiveness does not mean blinding oneself to the original transgression. It does not mean saying that it was “okay”. It does not mean or imply that you have condoned that behavior, that you have dismissed it, or that you have forgotten it. It means that, while aware of the action, you have chosen to move beyond it, to accept that it happened and acknowledge the consequences thereof, and to reject the further damaging of your soul by that action. You have thrown off your bonds.
Now, you may well choose not to give that person another chance to hurt you, and a severance of that relationship – if done calmly and with prior self-examination and reason – does not invalidate your forgiveness. You may well have reached the conclusion, through calm examination, that even though you choose not to continue to castigate and excoriate that person, you also believe that there is a high likelihood of a repeat offense and you choose not to place yourself in the way of further harm. If you have done so calmly, without angst, then this does not mean you have not forgiven. It only means, simply put, that you have learned that touching the hot stove creates a burn. You don’t hate the stove; you don’t resent the stove and lie awake thinking about how much it hurt you – you simply recognize that you probably shouldn’t touch it anymore. Yet you are no longer holding on to the fear, pain, anger that the action engendered. You are free.
Likewise, forgiving yourself is very freeing. Letting go of the guilt and shame that you carry around because you think you need to, you think you deserve it, you think that if you let it go it means you don’t care that you did something bad… letting go of that can lighten your emotional and spiritual load immensely. Once again, this does not have to mean that you have learned nothing from your mistake – it is possible to acknowledge a negative action and learn from it without performing emotional self-flagellation every day for the rest of your life. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Do not excuse, for behavior that hurts another should not be excused. Simply acknowledge that you have behaved wrongly, accept your culpability, be sincerely remorseful…and resolve to do better. Make amends…undo some or all of the harm, if possible. But don’t carry around that self-hate. Forgive yourself…let it go.
Forgiveness is one of the most wonderful experiences available to us as human beings, and it is one thing that I sincerely wish all people would allow themselves to experience.
Filed under: Happiness and Joy, Life Lessons, Random thoughts, Spirituality
I had an interesting moment last night, on my way home from work – one of those soul-feeding moments (see “The Simple and the Profound”), and it really got me thinking.
The first part was the sunset. It was nearly over – the sun was completely down and the sky dark, but the very edge of the sky on the western horizon was still holding some color. Just enough to create a gentle cascade of dark, soft striations, from dark rose to a sort of deep purple. With the trees silhouetted in front of it, it was exquisite. Not the sort of brilliant, bold beauty of a normal sunset that makes you catch your breath and makes your heart beat faster; this was a very soft, quiet, profound beauty – very still and deep.
Then, turning in the opposite direction (after sitting at the stop sign and staring for about five minutes in awe), I beheld the night’s answer to the day’s dying gift. There, floating in a deep midnight-blue sky – not yet night-black – was an exquisite nearly-full moon. The color of the sky was the perfect backdrop, giving the moon’s brilliance a sort of soft warmth.
Add in the soft breeze, gently cooling after the day’s heat…the crickets singing desultorily…and the smells of the restaurants in the area mixed with the juniper and honeysuckle…outstanding. Most definitely a soul-feeding moment.
It was a moment that spoke to me, that poured out upon me libations of promise and potential, that begged for the full extension of all of my senses and the full focus of all of my attention, that I might fully reap the harvest that was being offered me. I have never felt more alive, more vibrantly in tune with the world around me, or more blissful in my own existence.
And as mentioned, it got me thinking. (What doesn’t?) It started a cascading cycle of thoughts that were largely incoherent and difficult to hold onto – I didn’t really even try – but one thought stood clear before the rest. I found myself thinking, “I don’t really know what I believe in…but I believe it with all my heart.”
And that was it; my epiphany! I don’t know what I believe in – because it’s belief, not thought. I don’t have to know it – I feel it…I sense it…I exude it. It is in me and of me and I embrace it utterly. I do not need labels for it. I do not need a book that explains it or regiments it; to do so would stifle it. I do not need rules and guidelines. I do not need instruction or explanations.
The things that I believe that seem self-contradictory (you can believe in God or the Goddess, but not both; you can believe in things of magic or in scientific reality, but not both; etc.) are only contradictory because we have been told they are contradictory. These are manufactured limitations. I do not have to accept that – I do not have to embrace limitations that the world would hand me. I can embrace what my heart tells me is true, and be at peace with that. I do not need to seek; it really is all right here inside, and I can accept it without judgment or dissection. It is there, deep within me, to an extent that I think most people do not believe possible, and it is indelibly etched upon my heart.
And that, I truly believe, is where it belongs. All these years, in all the spiritual wanderings and crises I have experienced, I have been trying so hard to wrap my mind around a belief system that will work for me. I have struggled to reconcile what I know with what I am told, and nothing seems to fit. Nothing rings quite true…nothing seems just right. Zen Buddhism, which does not rule out any other belief system, seems closest, but does not fully embrace what I feel to be true – probably because it is not intended as a “religion” per se, but as a way of life and a state of mind.
So okay. I can deal with this. This makes sense to me. I do not have to understand it to know that it is true. I can grasp it by knowing that I do not need to grasp it. I do not have to have it explained or organized or neatly summarized. My belief…my spirituality…does not require definition.
Belief is of the heart, not of the mind. I understand that now, and it makes sense. There is neither understanding, nor non-understanding – and if that isn’t Zen, I don’t know what is.
I searched for silence today, and found peace
I ran, fleeing noise and clamor and all of life’s grand cacophony
Wearied and worried and hurried and sad
Hunted, haunted, seeking a quiet place to catch my breath.
I searched for silence today, and found peace.
I found it in the soothing murmur of a shallow stream
In the familiar rustle of piles of dry leaves underfoot
In the slow but steady beating, beating of a tree’s quiet heart,
Deep within the bark beneath my hands.
I found peace-peace that allays sorrow, dispels anger, revives joy.
I found it in the gentle caress of living pine needles against my cheek
Like the loving touch of a kitten’s velvet paw, reminding me that those we have lost….
Are never lost…are only changed
That they are here around us, part of everything, and all is one…
I found peace, and quiet, and unity
Remembered joy, which I had not known I had forgotten…
Discovered anew beauty that had been there all along
Waiting for me to see.
I found peace–I was gathered in the arms of Mother Earth
Comforted and cosseted, reminded that I am hers
Gently rebuked for my willful blindness
And admonished not to wait so long, next time, to search.
Filed under: Happiness and Joy, Random thoughts, Spirituality, Transplants from LiveJournal
It’s fall! Or rather, that moment on the very cusp of fall, when the air is still warm in the daytime but sharpens its knife at dusk, so that when you walk outside in the morning, it slices through your summer-conditioned skin like winter on crack. The sky is a blue that takes my breath…every time I see it, I swear I’ve never seen anything so blue and clear and vivid. The humidity has gone — oh joy! — and everything has such a startling clarity that I can only gaze about me in sheer wonder at the beauty that the world holds.
Why don’t I see this more often? I blame it on the choking haze of summer’s humid heat, but I wonder if the haze is more within myself? Is my soul as dank and smog-laden as the air we breathe for so much of the year? And does it take the slow winding-down of the seasons, the long and gradual death of the year, to wake me from my sweltering sleep of the spirit and make me see, truly see, what joy and beauty surround me?
Regardless, this beauty sings to my soul. I cannot see it, feel it, breathe it, taste it, enough. The trees are still green, and the unobscured sunlight filters through the leaves to dapple the pavement, to glint off the grass and warm not only my skin, but my heart and my very being. I want to sit and stare, gaze around me like a newborn child, as though the world is something I Have Never Seen…and perhaps it is.
I wonder, sometimes, what it is about fall and winter that call to me so? My spirit seems to sleep as the life around me burgeons and blooms…and with the steady, sweet slowing of the sap and the turning of the leaves, I come alive again.
The joy overwhelms me.
Filed under: Family, Friendship, Happiness and Joy, Health and Fitness, Love, Marriage, Money, Motherhood, Old Stuff, Psychobabble, Random thoughts, Spirituality, Transplants from LiveJournal, weight loss
I hesitate to call these New Year’s Resolutions…those are nothing more than rules we make in order to have the mixed joy and shame of breaking them. We don’t really “resolve” anything – we know when we make them that we will not keep them. We make them almost as a sort of game – how long will we keep them this year? How long will it take us to break every one on the list? It is a running joke, for many of us.Funny as this always seems, it strikes me (after having learned so much this year!) that this is really a very self-destructive process. We set ourselves up for failure, and each failure (though we may laugh about it) is another nail in the coffin of our sense of self-worth, of confidence, of capability and trustworthiness. Every single time we fail (having made that nearly inevitable for ourselves) we lose a little more faith in our own abilities and strength. And every ounce of confidence and faith we lose weakens us that much more, making failure even more likely the next time.
I’m not doing that anymore. I am through with tearing myself down. I spent so many years doing that, and not even knowing it; but that phase of my life is over. I am looking forward, eyes on the prize – and the prize is happiness, self-respect, strength and joy. All the things I had lost through my own ignorance and self-doubt. No more!
So this year, I am not making “resolutions”. Instead, I am making a list of things I can do to improve my life, my health, my happiness, and my contribution to the world around me. I may or may not be able to integrate all of these things into my daily life, but I can make myself more aware of the things I, personally, can do to change the world.
So here they are:
1. I can try to meditate, if not daily, at least as often as I can. This strengthens my spirit; it soothes my soul and calms my mind and fills me with a peace and serenity and personal strength that make every day better and more rewarding. This is not only good for me, but for those around me who reap the benefits of my calmer, stronger persona.
2. I can continue my personal journey toward a healthy, strong body. This can be accomplished through maintaining my new, healthy eating habits, and taking every opportunity to engage in healthy exercise, as well as making opportunities when none present themselves. Again, this benefits not only me but also those around me. When I am strong and healthy, I am capable of caring for myself and for others to a much greater extent. I am happier, I am calmer, I am more joyful, and I am setting a wonderful example for my family.
3. I can be as patient as possible with the shortcomings of others. I have long since accepted that I am not perfect, and I should strive to accept that in others as well. I can make allowances for bad-temperedness, for poor manners, for selfishness, for over-criticism, for laziness and other things, WITHOUT seeing those things as acceptable. I can continue to strive to avoid those things in myself, without condemning those around me for not meeting that standard. After all, I will most certainly not manage to eradicate those traits completely from myself; what right, then, do I have to expect a complete absence of them in others? I can be tolerant, recognizing an unpleasant trait without placing blame or passing judgment. There is a Judge who is responsible for this, and it is not me.
4. I can be as loving as it is possible to be. I can strive to release my fears of rejection, of judgment, of scorn and mockery, and offer to those I love and value the very best of my nature. I can show them that they are important to me, that my life is far the better for their presence and would be far the worse for their absence, without fearing that they will not return my regard. My life is bettered by the very act of loving others; if it is returned, then my harvest is twofold, but if it is not, the value of my own act is not lessened. I need not be loved by all whom I love, in order for that love to be a positive force in my life.
5. I can take more time. I can strive to slow down in every aspect of my life, to stop rushing from one thing to another so frenetically that I rarely devote to anything the time that it deserves. I can accept that in the course of a day, there are things that will not be accomplished. Some of them may even be very important things, but at no time will that signal the end of the world. There will always be tomorrow, and if there is not, then I will be beyond any concern for the things of this world. In the time I am given, I will make each moment count, for myself and for those that I love.
6. I can spend more time with my children, just being. I can sit with the Cricket and watch a movie, or play a board game, or go for a walk with the Nightingale or just sit in her bedroom and have a long conversation about nothing much at all. I can show my children that my time is valuable and that they are worth whatever amount of it they need. I can give them the gift of myself, without needing a reason or rushing into something else.
7. I can remember financial prudence. I can be mindful of each dollar spent, as much as I am of each moment lived. I can remember the difference between “need” and “want” and act accordingly, giving to my money the full value that it possesses. Through this, as well, I will be demonstrating good, strong, wise behaviors to my children.
8. I can explore the value of forgiveness. I can remember that the human heart has an infinite capacity for healing, and I need not guard it so fanatically that I refuse to open it to anyone or anything. Like a city under siege from without, its own walls can be its downfall, keeping enemies out but also keeping out nourishment and revitalization. I can remember this and be aware of my own guardedness, striving to open my heart even to those who have hurt it in the past, without flinching from the possibility that they may hurt it again. If they do, I will heal, as many times as necessary – but at least I will have lost no opportunity for the nourishment and revitalization of love and friendship.
9. I can strive for order and organization around me, in my work and in my personal life. I can remember that chaos and lack of structure inevitably result in unhappiness, uncertainty, fear, and, ultimately, loss or regret. Mistakes are made and damage done by a forgotten bill, a missed deadline, or even simply the rush of struggling to get something done at the last possible minute, resulting in lowered standards. I can strive to make my life simple and clean and structured, while allowing time and room for spontaneity and unscheduled laughter.
10. And last, but certainly not least, I can “always be a little kinder than necessary”. I can watch for opportunities to do a kind thing or lend a helpful hand to those around me, whether it is bringing a co-worker documents from the printer or spending a Saturday working at a local shelter. The tiniest acts of kindness do good for both he who gives and he who receives, and no matter how little I may be able to do, I can strive to always do that little.
These are things I can do…things I should do…and things I will try to do, whenever possible. I recognize that I may not always accomplish them, but I also recognize that though I miss thirty opportunities to live by these precepts, if I seize upon a single opportunity, then my life is still better.
I am not perfect, and I will not be perfect – no more than anyone, or anything, in this world is perfect. I will not even STRIVE for perfection, for that, again, is not only inviting but demanding failure. Yet I will strive for betterment, and to live the happiest, fullest, most peaceful and joy-filled life that I can live, in the time I am given. I cannot imagine any better way to live.
